Have any of you wondered how the U.S. was suddenly dropping the “Mother Of All Bombs” in Afghanistan last week without much notice or indication that such a thing might be happening? It may have something to do with President Donald Trump seeking the advice of fellow WWE Hall of Famer Sgt. Slaughter who is now reportedly a high ranking military advisor to Trump. That’s right, our fictitious correspondents tell us that Trump felt Slaughter was the man to call when it came to advice on dropping bombs.
When questioned about utilizing Slaughter as an advisor, Trump stated “Sgt. Slaughter has dealt with some bad dudes like The Iron Sheik and Nikolai Volkoff in the ring, not to mention having the experience of being a bad dude himself at one point (a reference to Slaughter becoming an Iraqi sympathizer in 1990) which I find tremendous.”
When Slaughter himself was questioned on whether he had the experience for such a job, Slaughter stated “I’ve dealt with the likes of Cobra Commander and Destro trying to take over the world every afternoon for many years, the likes of Kim Jong Un and Vladimir Putin don’t phase me!”
Besides advising President Trump dropping bombs at the first sign of a developing terrorist organization, word has it that Sgt. Slaughter will be on special assignment training troops in the art of the Boot Camp Match, the proper application of the “Cobra Clutch,” and how to make turncoats want their country back.